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February 2019 #597

(Continued from #596)

H:
And your …other venture? Are you disappointed or glad?

Me: Both.

H:
(taking a cigarette from his case) … It
makes you miserable.

Me: What does?

H:
That you cannot jump one way or the other. (lighting his
cigarette) Cannot invest in one outcome without regret.

Me: …Yes. Do you regret the things you’ve done or those you did
not do?

H:
One is potential: it’s an easy regret because it’s not based
in fact, only supposition.

Me: So, people imagine the outcome of the paths they didn’t
choose as being better?

H:
Yes. If they were not dissatisfied with what they had, they
would never imagine the other possibilities.

Me: And if you’re going to make an alternate story for yourself,
you’ll imagine better, not worse?

H:
Yes, in short. … I regret what I’ve done because I know the
outcome. But I don’t believe I could have done any different. Regret over
actions I did not take is simply a fairytale to torture myself with.

Me:
Which is better?

H:
(coughing) Neither. Regret is still regret whether real or
imagined.

Me: I wish I knew how to sort my life out. There’s a poem by A A
Milne, about a shipwrecked sailor who thinks in circles about all the things he
needs to do to survive on his island. He gets overwhelmed and ‘does nothing but
basking until he was saved’. I feel like that. But I suppose there has to be a
logical beginning. I just have to find it and work on one thing at a time… Darlin’?

H:
I am sorry. I think more than the absences I dislike not being
able to provide for you. It isn’t right.

Me: In this day and age I’m expected to provide for myself. I’m
just not that good at it. Ergh, I should stop bitching.

H:
(smiling) You have kits.

Me: I do. I really need to find Andromeda a home… Sorry, I’m talking
a lot today. There are far too many things I can’t say to anyone else.

H:
Darlin’, I’ve missed hearing you talk. (coughing) And your unlikely and sometimes infuriating questions.

Me: Ever read Les
Miserables
?

H:
(coughing) No.

Source: Tales of Necromancy

by cnkguy
February 2019 #597

Posted in Tales of Necromancy and tagged by with no comments yet.

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