My Neighbor’s Dog Has a Zipper
14 Aug, 2018
My Neighbor’s Dog Has a Zipper
At first, I didn’t think anything of it. My neighbor would stop to chat with me, leash in hand, and I would catch glimpses of the metal slider dangling from its belly. I assumed it was wearing a piece of pet clothing, or that perhaps it was the byproduct of some awkward veterinarian procedure, but the more we chatted and the more I saw this mystery zipper, the more I realized it was out of the ordinary; clearly imbedded in the dog’s skin. It drew my attention every time we engaged in small talk, until finally one day, I decided to ask about it.
“Say, what is that zipper for on the little guy’s belly, anyway?”
“Oh, that? It’s a long story, I wouldn’t want to bore you.”
“I’ve got nothing but time.”
I wondered if she could see the beads of sweat forming above my brow.
“Really it’s nothing, just a safety measure.”
And that was it. She pretty much laughed it off, granting me little in the way of an explanation. Thinking back, her responses were downright vague and deflective. She could see how curious I was, so why not just tell me? And what exactly did she mean by “safety measure”?
As unfruitful as our conversation was, I didn’t press the matter any further. Days, weeks, months went by. I would occasionally see the dog’s strange cosmetic feature, but I brushed it off every time, knowing it would only haunt me if I dwelled on it. Still, the thought itched in the back of my mind. It wasn’t until a few months had passed that I would finally have the nerve to scratch it.
I was pulling up weeds along my fence when I looked over at my neighbor’s place, noticing the dog lying on the back porch. A stray cat wandered by, as often happened in our neighborhood. Without so much as a warning growl or malicious stance, the dog trotted over to the cat and scarfed it down, the sound of sharp teeth colliding with bone. The cat screeched in agony until it was no more. In a minute flat, its entire body was devoured. I was in shock.
The cat’s cries alerted my neighbor to the situation. She raced outside, grabbed the dog by the collar, and pulled him into the house. Through the sliding door, it was tough to make out, but I swear she unzipped him and reached inside, seemingly adjusting one of his organs. He didn’t flinch, not even a bit. After pulling her arm out, the dog dropped to the floor, dead as a doornail, from the looks of it. She then carried him outside and placed him back on the porch, arranging him into a sleeping position before getting in her car and leaving for the day.
This five-minute span of visual information was unlike anything I’d ever witnessed. Words like gruesome, strange, and horrific are too tame to describe what I saw. I was appalled beyond measure.
After the shock wore off, I hopped the fence and approached the dog’s carcass. I felt its neck; cold to the touch, no pulse. I looked to its underside, and there it was. That god-forsaken zipper in all of its mysterious glory. I felt kind of bad for the dog dying, but I had to know what that damned thing was there for. I needed an explanation for not only the dog’s, but my neighbor’s odd behavior just moments ago.
I slowly unzipped the dog’s belly, placating my curiosity with the satisfying sound of metal sliding across metal. I spread each side of the opening with my hands and peered in, divulging the animal’s inner workings. What I saw was absolutely dumbfounding.
My neighbor’s dog was… animatronic. There was wiring, gears, a tank where its stomach should have been; the whole nine yards. It didn’t make any sense, but there it was, staring me back from behind the zipper.
After scurrying back home in shock, I decided that my best course of action would be to call Animal Control. I could tell them my neighbor’s dog trespassed on my lawn and was attacking the neighborhood cats. They would show up, examine the robotic carcass, and then go from there. I knew there wasn’t a protocol for that sort of thing, but I assumed they could take care of things and contact the appropriate people, whether it be the police, the government, or The National Enquirer. As long as this weird predicament was taken care of, I could sleep easy, knowing that my neighbor’s strange robot dog wasn’t going around eating whatever it pleased.
Simple, right? Nope. Far from it.
Animal Control took a while to get there. By the time they arrived, my neighbor had come home and disposed of the evidence, hiding the dog somewhere in her home. The Animal Control officer apologized for the misunderstanding and left, leaving my neighbor on her front porch, glaring in my direction. It appeared privacy meant nothing to the local authorities. Just my luck.
The days that followed were… different. My neighbor’s dog had sprung to life, re-activated by its master, no doubt. They would walk their usual path around the cul-de-sac, but would not stop for small talk. I knew her dirty little secret, after all. I was no longer a friendly neighbor to be conversed with, oh no. I was an enemy; a danger to this woman’s unusual way of life. Even if I meant no harm to her or her strange choice of pet, she didn’t seem to see it that way. She continued to give me the cold shoulder for about a month and a half before finally speaking with me again on one of her daily strolls.
“Hey there!”
“Hello. Everything alright?”
“Just peachy. I’m having a cookout on Saturday at noon. You’re more than welcome to come.”
Strange. We weren’t on speaking terms for over a month, and now I was suddenly invited over? Maybe this was her extending an olive branch my way; her way of saying, “No hard feelings.”
“Yeah, sure. I can make it. Sounds like a good time.”
“Great! I’ll add you to the list.”
As she walked away, I felt the need to apologize, even if her dog was a weird, cat-eating robot.
“Hey, about that Animal Control call. I just wanted to say-“
“Don’t worry about it. Water under the bridge. See you Saturday!”
She hurried off home, and that was that. Problem solved.
Or so I thought.
The night before the cookout, I couldn’t sleep. I kept hearing what sounded like footsteps creeping around the perimeter of my house. Every time I got up to investigate, the sound ceased, and the coast appeared to be clear. It was either a prank at my expense, a burglar taking their sweet time to pull the trigger, or ghosts roaming around in the night. Either way, it left me anxious, making sleep a distant dream, just out of my reach.
During a particularly loud set of footsteps, I raced downstairs, just in time to catch four glowing dots peering in through my living room window. This was enough to make my neck hairs stand upright. Though terrified, I wasted no time grabbing a ball bat and storming out my front door to greet the would-be intruders. I may be old, but I can still kick some ass when needed, especially when it involves crossing my property line.
To my astonishment, my yard was empty. I covered every side of the house, only to find no one – not a soul in sight in any direction I looked. I don’t care how fast you can sprint, NOBODY could have made it out of eyeshot in such a short period of time, even in those low-light conditions. Baffled, and even more anxious than before, I locked up every last door and window in my home before crawling under the covers like a frightened child, scared of the mystery figures lurking in the shadows.
The footsteps dissipated over the course of the night, and as the sun came up over the horizon, so to did my fear. My waking nightmare had ended, but not before putting a weary, sleep-deprived frame of mind in its place. In a sluggish slur of movement, I grudgingly made my way to my neighbor’s house around noon, ready as I would ever be for the neighborhood get-together.
Oddly enough, there were no cars in the driveway, aside from her own. I wondered if I got the date wrong, but after knocking on the door, she greeted me with a smile and rushed me into the house. We exchanged pleasantries, and she sat me down at a bar stool in the kitchen. After a few moments of awkward silence, I mustered up the courage to ask about the elephant in the room.
“So… where is everybody?”
“You’re already here, silly.”
I tilted my head, puzzled.
“What about everyone else?”
“There is no one else. You’re the only person I invited.”
All at once the pieces clicked into place. I felt stupid for not realizing it sooner. Her sudden kindness, the noises the night before. There was no cookout. There was never any cookout. I was in the middle of a trap, lured in largely due to my own idiocy. I should have guessed that something sinister was going on the moment I unzipped that dog.
“So, what happens now?” I asked.
“You’ll see. Just sit tight.”
I quickly jumped up from my chair and turned towards the door. With inhuman speed, she bolted in front of me, a large kitchen knife in hand.
“Not so fast.”
I stood, still as stone, intimidated by her fluid motions and firm stance.
“We need to talk.”
“About what?”
I knew exactly what.
“Don’t play dumb with me.”
And that’s when I noticed it. On her chest, peaking through the top of her blouse. I would have missed it had the sunlight coming through the window not danced across its metal.
She had a zipper too.
Stricken to my core with fear, my gaze was interrupted by an angry hand gesture.
“My eyes are up here!”
The moments that ensued are a bit fuzzy, but I can only guess that I was knocked out or chloroformed, as I awoke strapped to a chair in a new room. Given the staircase, I assumed I was in her basement, though this realization didn’t help me any. I attempted to break free of my restraints, but it was no use; unless she were to free me herself, I was fastened to that chair for life.
In absence of mobility, I decided to give the place a once-over. The staircase was to my left and a concrete wall to my right, but directly in front of me was a work station, complete with about a dozen computers. This is where my neighbor sat, a USB cord snaking out of her unzipped chest, typing away at a blinding rate. Her motives were still unclear to me.
Though confined to the one view, I was able to turn my neck enough in both directions to form a decent picture of what was behind me. It was a wall of cages, each housing an identical copy of her dog. They didn’t move, even in the slightest, likely just as animatronic as she was. What on God’s green earth had I stumbled into?
Just then, my neighbor ripped the cord from her chest and walked over to me.
“Ahh, good. You’re awake. Did you have a nice nap?”
I refused to reply, looking her up and down in disgust, trying to make out what this thing was that was speaking to me.
“What’s the matter? Dog got your tongue?”
I remained silent, in lieu of her taunting me.
“That’s alright. You just need to listen. Sit tight. I’ll be right back”
She walked over to her work station and grabbed something before reclaiming her spot in front of me.
“I’ve worked too hard in this location to have you screwing things up on me. Then again, it’s my own fault. I was careless. I never should have left my core on the porch like that.”
I assumed she was talking about the dog.
“I want you to look at this.”
She placed the object at eye-level. It was a badge of sorts, upon which was a logo that read “Syntheti-Tech.”
“I’m an android. I work for a large company, moving from location to location, gathering specific information that is crucial to our initiative. You can’t know anything beyond that. Hell, you already know far too much.”
I hadn’t noticed it at first, but she seemed to keep playing with her zipper.
“God, I am so sick of this fucking meat suit.”
Before my very eyes, she removed her clothing and unzipped herself down to the groin. In the most unnatural way possible, she slid out of her own skin, revealing to me her true form. She was nothing but a pile of electronics, pieced together in a human shape. It was a strange sight, nauseating in every sense of the word. The way she moved and spoke while like this was downright sickening.
“I can’t say anymore, but I want you to know that our work is necessary. If you were to speak these truths to the world above, you would be jeopardizing everything we’ve accomplished. You have to submit to our intentions and see that they are just.”
I didn’t know what to make of this. I simply looked away, wishing not to see her grotesque, animatronic face any longer. Unfortunately for me, she grabbed it and forced it in her direction anyway, the feeling of cold metal enveloping my jaw.
“You need to PROMISE to me that you will submit. You are not to tell anyone of any of this. Do you understand?”
I nodded in agreement, but only because I wanted her hand off of my face. Luckily, she let go and backed away.
“Good. You know, we’re not so bad when you get to know us. In a sense, we’re just like you.”
Internally, I scoffed at the thought of this. I was nothing like her, and not just because of her appearance; I was never one to go around kidnapping my neighbors, holding them captive in my basement. It just wasn’t my cup of tea.
“Well, this is it. I’ll need you to take over from here. Don’t make the same mistake I did, lest you regret it for the rest of your life.”
This was the last thing she said to me, though I had no idea what any of it meant. I must have been knocked unconscious again, because the next thing I remember was waking up on her basement floor, no longer bound by my restraints. For one reason or another, she didn’t kill me. I was a free man.
Without warning, a group of trained operatives burst through the basement door and raced down to help me up.
“Are you alright?”
“Yes. I’m fine. What’s going on?”
I noticed a few of the men walk on opposite sides of the room to gather evidence. One guy ripped open a cage, grabbed one of the dogs, and unzipped him, revealing it to be nothing but a hollow carcass.
“They’re empty, sir. A collection of shells.”
“Just as I suspected. No matter. Load them into the truck with the hard-drives. Hopefully she didn’t wipe them before she left.”
I must have looked completely bewildered, because the gentleman grabbed me by the shoulders and looked me straight in the eye.
“Everything’s fine now. We’ve been on this woman’s tail for a long time. We may not have captured her, but this is still a big win. And it’s all thanks to you.”
I was still confused, but more so relieved that it was all over.
“Are you sure you’re alright? Don’t need a ride to the hospital?”
I shook my head, not wishing to be poked and prodded after what I’d endured. I didn’t trust doctors much anyway. I just wanted to go home.
“Okay. Let me walk you to your house.”
I agreed, and we were off. I couldn’t wait to get inside and put the whole ordeal behind me. That was the plan, anyway.
Whatever government officials they were, the entire crew picked the place clean and left my neighborhood within a couple of hours. That night I received a call from them for a statement regarding the situation. I obliged and asked some questions myself. Though the information was privileged, I guilted them into giving up some details, claiming I needed some “peace of mind” so I could sleep at night. The fact that I was just a ‘frail, old man’ helped too.
It would seem my neighbor was a high-ranking disciple in an android cult hell-bent on infiltrating various government agencies. They were currently in the process of recruiting new members to aid in their cause. That’s all I was told, which was more than I thought I’d get. This was enough to placate my curiosity and keep me from dwelling on the events as they unfolded. I thanked the man on the other end and hung up, content with my findings.
After ending the call, I heard a knock at my front door. I didn’t usually get visitors that late at night, but I suspected it would be one of my neighbors, asking about the sting operation that just took place next door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, there was no person there to greet me. No. Not a person. Instead, there was a dog, identical to my neighbor’s. Before I could process its arrival, it trotted inside and sat on the floor. A voice then emanated from its collar.
“Shut the door.”
I did as the dog said, baffled and afraid.
“Hello. I am SERIAL #724234. I will be your core companion on your journey of fulfillment. True adventure awaits. Would you like to begin your first task?”
I didn’t know how to respond or what in God’s name was happening, but it was at this point that I felt an itch running up the length of my torso. It was subtle at first but grew to the point that I had to reach down my shirt and scratch at it. That’s when I felt a familiar metal caress my fingers. It took a moment for it to sink in, but I knew exactly what I was feeling.
It was a zipper.
CREDIT: Christopher Maxim
(Click HERE to check out Christopher Maxim’s latest book, How To Exit Your Body and Other Strange Tales)
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Worlds Without Heroes
13 Aug, 2018
Worlds Without Heroes
*Static*
…Is it…
*Crackle*
No…just turn it…tha-
*Static*
*Pop*
KJ: Hello? *tap tap* Hello? There we go. Okay, starting now. My name is Katie Johns, and the following testimony from Andrew Kirby is being recorded in an attempt to preserve our history and make sure a tragedy like this never has to befall another soul. Andrew, can you share with us the earliest memory you have of the event, or those involved in it?
AK: I remember it like it was yesterday. *clears throat* I was in the car with my parents and my sister. Of course we were in the back seat, doing dumb things that kids do; counting how many of the same car was on the road, playing slug bug, you know. There weren’t any confirmed sightings yet. The most we had were blurry pictures, or videos so shaky that the most you saw was what someone could maybe argue was possibly a foot or hand… but here we are, the four of us in our little car, and out of nowhere this oncoming semi starts to drift into our lane. Damn thing doesn’t even try to slow down, instead it seems to be accelerating. It’s plowing through the cars in front of us, just about to collide… and then… *Sniffle*
KJ: Its ok Andrew, just take your time.
AK: And then that’s when I saw him. I had closed my eyes to brace for impact, and when nothing happened, I opened them back up, and he was just there, floating in mid-air with the semi held effortlessly above his head. *Crying* He was like something out of a comic book; cape flowing majestically in the wind, rippling muscles barely contained by the costume that covered them, a big symbol on his chest that must have been from some unknown language. Sure, his skin was a shade of red, his eyes were totally white, and he had a strange fin on his head instead of hair, but as a kid, you know a superhero when you see one.
KJ: And then what happened?
AK: What do you mean what happened? He smiled, set the semi down, and then flew away. He saved my day, and then went to save someone else’s. The whole world knows what happened next; he kept saving the day. I still remember when he risked his like to stop a meteor from hitting the earth. We all thought it wiped him out, but of course, we were wrong. I mean, it was foolish of us to think that a simple comet could take out Red Ultra. *Chuckle* Yeah the name seems a little xenophobic or racist, but he seemed to like it. *Chuckle* And then who could forget when he rounded up all the nuclear weapons across the globe, took them right out of our galaxy, hurling them into a black hole? Like something straight out of a superhero movie. Or what about how he exposed the illuminati, while also providing the evidence that they had been behind all of the terror attacks and wars as far back as written record goes? On top of that, he helped us set up a one world government that ended poverty, famine, and even inequality. And then when he was elected as President, refused the position because it was not his place to rule us! …It seems like so long ago now…
KJ: What were some of the biggest moments for you, personally? The moments that really pushed him through to the status of superhero?
AK: The biggest moment for me personally was probably when he saved my family, but I think what really made me think of him as a full blown, straight from the comics, bonafide superhero, was when Jace Lincoln started his xenophobe terrorist group and declared war on him. The best comics always have a hero whose greatest enemy sprang up because of him, whether justified or not. To me, that was when I knew. Throughout all of the times they fought, all the terrible things Jace did to try to defame or destroy him, Red never killed him. Never even thought about it. He let our legal system do its thing. I think that’s why he became a hero to all of us. Why, even though he didn’t look like, we accepted him as one of us. *Heavy Sobbing*
KJ: I know this is difficult, Andrew. Are you able to continue?
AK: Yeah… yeah I’ll be fine. *Sniffling* I think that’s what makes today so hard. Remembering what we had, and trying to come to terms with what has happened since.
KJ: Do you remember where you were the day it happened? The day we lost our hero? *Whimper*
AK: Do I remember where I was the day we lost our hero? *Loud bang against wall* We didn’t lose him! He was taken from us! Implying that we lost him is placing the blame on the victim! He was stolen! His legacy shattered! Katie, I love you like a daughter, but fuck you for saying ‘we lost’ him! *Loud banging on wall* *Fast, deep breaths*
KJ: Andrew, please. That’s not what I meant, and you know that. This is hard for all of us. *Sniffle* If you need a moment, that is fine, just please answer the question when you are ready.
AK: Yeah Katie… I remember the day our hero was taken from us. *Slow, deep inhale* I had just gotten off work. I walked to my car and noticed an abnormal amount of police, firefighters, and EMTs driving by with their sirens blaring. The color of the sky was an unnatural orange. I drove home and didn’t see a single civilian outside their homes. The people I did see were all huddled around their TVs, watching the events unfold. Though of course, I wasn’t aware of what events were unfolding yet. When I got home, I flipped on the news, and that’s when I saw what everyone was so entranced by. *Hard swallow* Hundreds of ships had descended on the earth, one for each capital city. Leaders had been taken hostage, along with the world President, and were rounded up in a field in the middle of England like cattle. Along the bottom of the screen, I saw a tagline continuously scrolling that read, ‘Red Ultra missing, presumed dead’. I was more frightened than I had ever been. Then we saw the creatures emerge from their ships, clad in metal armor and space helmets… *Sobbing*
KJ: Andrew, before we continue, if Red Ultra was able to hear this, what would you like to say to him?
AK: What would I like to say to him? *Slow deep breaths* Red Ultra… if you’re out there… fuck you! How could you do this to us? You were our hero! We saw you risk your life for us! You taught us how to exist with those we don’t understand, and even those we once feared! You united us under your banner of heroism! But on the day we needed you the most… *Rapid breaths slowly becoming slow deep breaths*
KJ: Go on Andrew, what happened when we needed him the most?
AK: He flew down out of the sky the way he always did – right at the last second. He stared down the invaders…*Sobbing*…and then he knelt. The invaders took off their helmets, and to the horror of the world, they all looked just like him. The same species. And then, we all sat and watched as he used his strength, his speed, and every other power he once used to save us.., *pause…* to break us. He went through and proceeded to skin, immolate, electrocute, dismember, disembowel, and shatter every single leader we had. Then he casually walked into one of the ships and came back out with Jace Lincoln bound and gagged. *Long pause* That’s when we realized that every word Jace said was true. Every transmission between Red and his superiors, every blurry photo of clandestine meetings, every radar reading showing ships surrounding the earth, every bit of evidence he found that pointed to the catastrophes being created by an outside force, or that the meteor never even existed… all of it was true. *Long silent pause* Then we saw Red pull Jace’s head from his body and crush it beneath his heel.
*slight crying heard from both*
KJ: I’m sorry to make you relive this, Andrew. I know it’s hard. But you’re one of the last among us who remembers how this all started.
AK: I know… and that’s why it has to be done. For the last 30 years, they have harvested our planet to the point that there is nothing left – and then about a year ago, they all just flew away. Our world is falling apart. We’re all just waiting on one more natural disaster to wipe us out. We have compiled evidence that suggests that this isn’t the first planet they have done this to, or even the first universe, and my guess is we won’t be the last. But if we can get this message out before the last of our radio towers’ power plants collapse, then maybe we can save another world from sharing our fate.
KJ: We were able to get some readings from their ship as they left, showing that they are able to resonate at various frequencies, possibly allowing them to shift between dimensions. After spending the last year doing various tests, we have found a way to send this through to various frequencies at once, as well as encoding a written version within the waves that will be transcribed by me following this recording. We have no clue how it will reach you, or when, but hopefully someone out there will receive this while there is still a chance.
AK: We believe we may have been warned of this once before, but none of us saw the truth in the message. Please, if you are hearing this, reading this, or have received this in any format at all, and take anything away from this message, take away this; the red skinned, white eyed visitor is not there to save you, he is there to make sure you belong to a world without heroes.
Revelation 13:3 And I saw one of his heads as if it had been mortally wounded, and his deadly wound was healed. And all the world marveled and followed the beast.
LEARN FROM US.
CREDIT: Johaan Alfsen
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